We have a lot of comedy fans visiting the blog at the moment it appears - so welcome to you if you're one of those. The post you're looking for is HERE.
It is hilarious - and it should be Christmas #1 in my view...
Back to normal business - keeping it light for now.
It occurs to me that we have the potential for a very English revolution at the tips of our very fingers.
I was getting ready to go out last night. Running late, I'd had my bathroom routine, then went to get dressed.
As I switched on the bedroom light intending to go rummage through the wardrobe, my frustration - already running late - boiled over.
Bloody well damn European Empire dull light bulbs!
I sat there, light switched on, in the dark, waiting for the ruddy thing to warm up enough that I could see what I was actually doing.
So, while Che Guevara can sleep safely in his revolutionary bed, I am going to do it.
I am going to suggest we engage in a very English revolution.
If you, like me, are sick to the back teeth of switching on your light only to find that you're still in the dark, it's time for we, the people to revolt.
There must be somewhere on the planet which the evil European Empire hasn't stretched it's corrupt and undemocratic tentacles into...
...from where we could still import proper light bulbs.
So, if the Chinese Government are reading...
We, the people of England, are sick and tired of being in the dark.
Please could you do a few hundred flyovers of Britain and do huge parcel drops of lightbulbs that we used to have and get on with quite happily, but which the dictators of Brussels won't let us have any more?
Pretty please.
British households are crying out for the ruddy things and knowing how partial the Chinese are to making things that people want on the cheap...
You probably wouldn't be allowed to dock them at a British port, so do a flyover. Drop us off some light bulbs!
We'll quite happily encourage people to send you the money for them via PayPal afterwards.
Class action. Power to the people (in more ways than one). And a very English revolution. Far more decorum than those 'students' managed.
Come on China, do us a favour. We can't see with these damned European Empire regulation lightbulbs.
Spot the gap in the market and help us out.
You don't even have to worry about our military stopping you flying over and dropping us lightbulb parcels.
We don't have a military any more.
We have a strange timeshare deal with the French, and nobody has had to worry about their military abilities for a couple of hundred years.
So pretty please China... can you bring us some lightbulbs in, please?
[Note: I am quite aware that, no matter how much I may desire it, the Chinese are unlikely to help and we're condemned to darkness. This is a satirical viewpoint and not one intended to genuinely cause World War III. We know how much the people in power are so barmy that they can't tell the difference between a gag and a serious article any more and we therefore hope that this disclaiming note satisfies the intellectually deficient inability to tell the difference]
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
4 comments:
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The Unhealthy Compact Fluorescent Light Bulb (CFL)
ReplyDeleteCFLs are more expensive than incandescent bulbs but last longer and consume less electricity. Although the quality of light has improved with recent CFL products, they are health and environmental hazards. They are filled with mercury, which if broken indoors will flood the space with toxic mercury vapors. Mercury is one of the most toxic elements on earth and it affects the nervous system and kidneys. So that means there will be problems disposing expired CFLs.
But that's not all. CFLs emit EMF radiation because of the dirty electricity produced by the extremely rapid on and off internal electrical switching. This is common to all fluorescent lighting. EMF radiation has been linked to cancer, neurological disorders, and it plays havoc with diabetics. It's almost like living in a microwave with a living space full of CFLs.
But that's not all. CFLs emit EMF radiation because of the dirty electricity produced by the extremely rapid on and off internal electrical switching. This is common to all fluorescent lighting. EMF radiation has been linked to cancer, neurological disorders, and it plays havoc with diabetics. It's almost like living in a microwave with a living space full of CFLs.
Seems you can still buy 100watt clear incadescant light bulbs on Amazon;
ReplyDeletehttp://amzn.to/gfTMyN
Subject: Terrorist alerts are going up all over.
ReplyDelete(love the references to our "new best friends in the military...the french?!!)
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross".
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes
on all of their allies "just in case".
Canada doesn't have any alert levels.
New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA".
Due to continuing defence cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level
of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
"The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.
reiverdave... that is one of the funniest things I have had the pleasure to have read all year. Top marks. :)
ReplyDelete