When UKIP's Valentine Smith, PPC for Hereford & South Herefordshire, wandered past the clock tower recently, we grabbed him by the lapels, screamed abuse at him and bullied him into answering a few questions for us.
Okay, we did no such thing. We'd be too scared to act like that... just in case someone phoned a helpline about us. So, we didn't engage in any bullying. We just asked nicely.
Funny how people are so very kind when you ask nicely, huh?
Moving on from topical satire before we get into too much trouble, here's the interview...
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Welcome to
The Talking Clock, Valentine.
Now, we like to start and end with a nice, gentle bit of light-hearted banter. And we couldn't help noticing that you're not named 'Bob' or 'Frank' or 'Phil'. Go on... is there a story behind how your parents chose such a uniquely romantic name for you?
Inadvertently you have started off with an opportunity to get a real exclusive. I have been keeping this close to my chest, but decided to come clean about it only last week. My name comes from my background; I am part Romany, basically my father’s family... so another ethnic minority candidate for UKIP! It’s a tradition for boys born on St Valentine’s Day, as I was, to be called Valentine. You read it here first, folks!
Now, the area you are hoping to represent is noted - amongst other things - for apple, pear and strawberry growing... and for the production of a rather well known brand of cider. What are the issues facing local people in those businesses? We're guessing you might have to talk about the European Empire's 'Common Agricultural Policy' a lot?
We had a really good hustings event at the end of last year, hosted by the NFU. All the candidates were there and we had a real grilling. We also set up a stall last year at a major country fair at the end of the summer and again, I was very pleased that - as food production and ecology are amongst my specialities - people demand knowledgeable answers. In each case, as you get the message over of our policy of a slow withdrawal from the CAP and the associated grants, and of UKIP's determination for the UK to fund UK farming and fishing - determined by need and with minimal waste - it an easy concept to sell. What are the other issues that local people raise with you and how might UKIP be the best party to represent them?
It’s pleasing that the people I talk to, apart from the ever present moans concerning the Government and the mistrust of Cameron, always find time to get onto real local issues. Two hot issues are the ESG development and of course Post Office closures. And this is where I really do struggle with the hypocrisy of politics.ESG is a huge planned town centre development, wiping away many local businesses, causing traffic chaos, pollution and supplying - as far as we can see - just the same array of major chains that we see everywhere else. And we all know about Post Office closures. However, we have all four candidates all saying exactly the same thing - that they oppose the development and the closures. Now I know I am telling the truth and most likely the Green candidate is, but as for the others..? This type of development and foreign sell off behind the closures is just exactly what their parties have done for years. They are whipped in and, in power, their opposition to these two items would disappear. Staying with local concerns, you describe yourself as a dedicated supporter of 'Local Is Best'. Tell us a little more about that and why it's something that stirs your passions...
It always raises eyebrows but I am a very 'green' member of the party and, to me, local food production, local government and genuinely local community action is the way forward - and very UKIP. It gives power to communities, is efficient, gives responsibility and reduces pollution. Far better for the environment than any amount of wind farms... and please don’t get me started on carbon trading!Don't worry, we won't. We are secretly hoping that someone high up in UKIP might notice our continuing support of Lord Monckton and might offer him up for a natter with us - so we'll keep those carbon trading issues quiet until then!
Moving on, we've got the results of the European Elections 2009 in front of us. UKIP did very well indeed - second place with 23.9% in Herefordshire, behind the Conservatives and easily beating the Liberal Democrats. Do you expect to be able to come anywhere near that brilliant result for the party at a General Election? Or do we more realistically need to look to the constituency result at the 2005 General Election where UKIP polled a somewhat more modest 2.2%..?
It’s a matter of time and resources. Cameron’s volte face on the referendum has really been a catalyst. So many Conservative voters are fuming and I am trying to meet as many as I can to convince them of our alternative. Once you give people the reasons why a UKIP vote is not a wasted vote, you get them on side. If the Conservatives or any other party do get the seat, they will have bought it, not won it. Your constituency is very high on the list of targets for the Conservatives. Now, David Cameron has form for saying some very disparaging things about UKIP. Where do you think the balance is going to be between positive and negative campaigning at this year's General Election? And are you prepared for the latter?
Professionally I am from a Public Relations background, (yup a spin doctor) and I actually want it to get a little personal and the reason is that I am coming to the table with a clear truthful message. Some of the others have so much baggage and hypocrisy as part of what they present that I am more than happy to expose it. Let us take the Conservative candidate in my constituency - a decent bloke, but when you consider the ridiculous, patronising short lists the Tories are promoting (and remember my ethnic background), our [local Conservative] candidate is just an identikit one of ‘Dave’s Mates’; an ex-banker, male, white, middle class... They haven’t changed, they never will. Now on the subject of negative campaigning, we couldn't help but notice that the current MP, Paul Keetch (Lib Dem), abstained on the House of Commons vote that would have given the British people a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty. Even though he's standing down, is that little fact going into your campaign literature?
If you have any concerns about the EU and the direction it’s taking, you simply can’t vote Lib Dem or Labour. And any faith voters may have had in the Conservatives has been blown out of the water. It is our biggest vote winner at present. Although I must admit as a long term [UKIP supporter], I get more personal pleasure from the delight people show as we advertise the broader manifesto. Those who are cynical about UKIP might say that it is in the party’s interests to remain part of the European Empire – they may well assert that if Britain were to withdraw from the EU tomorrow, the party might no longer have any people feeling the need to vote for it. We know that some might say that... because we’ve read such a comment. What would you say to people who might come out with that one?
It’s the old literal turkey, why should we vote for Christmas? Really, if we have won the EU argument, it follows that people will buy in to the rest of our manifesto and will want us to remain in UK politics. Our policies are so much commonsense and workable - and yes, radical - that they deserve to be part of how the UK moves forward, post-EU. Picking up on the latter part of that, UKIP has been quite unique in highlighting the plight of British pubs. How are local pubs doing in your constituency? Why do you think UKIP have made an issue of supporting the British pub? And what role does the British pub serve in more rural communities?
This touches base with so many UKIP issues. Again, there’s the need for local facilities to be supported. [We have] concerns about the ‘Pubcos’ that put far too many landlords in a position of not being able to run their businesses properly. And then there's our old friend, ‘tradition’. [British pubs] are unique, we like them, visitors like them and, allowed to be run correctly, they provide an excellent range of services. Looking at national current affairs for a moment, at the beginning of the year, New Labour announced it would rush 'naked body scanners' into airports. And now this week, we see another credible report in the
Telegraph on the development of civilian spy drones to patrol the people of Britain. This is part of an ever-increasing trend but it's all going a bit too far and becoming ever so slightly scary now, don't you think? What on earth is going on?
Aware that in this interview I have directed my fire at the Tories - because I need people to know that they are not worthy of our votes - I shall use this answer to hit Labour where they deserve it. I didn’t vote Blair in ’97 and, after what I see as the complete disintegration of so much of our society, I simply can’t see why anyone now would. It’s basically just tribal. If it were not so serious it would amuse me to see how many left wing commentators desperately try to justify the Iraq/Afghanistan wars, when they really must loathe the situation. And to answer your question it’s all part of the same downgrading of our society, forced upon us by an over dependence on state control - both as part of the New Labour culture and by the lack of a firm but fair, progressive relationship with the Islamic world. Winding down from such searching questions, here's an easier chance for you to sell the party. Which one UKIP policy area that we haven't discussed yet interests you most? What would you like to tell us about UKIP's policy in that regard?
Two main points here. Firstly - and as I am at a hustings meeting at a sixth form college next week it’s vitally important - I feel this election will start to show the end of the old two party system. Basically most voters have no real enthusiasm for any of the three old parties and I am almost begging people to vote with their heart, for what they believe in, not just for who they think will get the most seats. Secondly, our tax and social security plans. Quite frankly they are so well thought out and structured to cure so many of the old fiscal problems we have, that I want absolutely everyone to read them, it’s a real vote winner. And finally... we're pretty sure you've never chatted to a clock before - in just the same way as we've never chatted to a Valentine. So, at the risk of being corny and with the promise that we'll keep your answer a secret (bar those who read what you say on the internet, obviously)... if Cupid could shoot an arrow at any famous celebrity for you, at whom would you want him to aim?
Phew onto the serious stuff!! Well as my wife could be described as a tall cool blonde, intelligent and committed, it would have to be Joanna Lumley as the more famous version.Joanna Lumley... how absolutely fabulous is she!? And
Phil Woolas no doubt remembers her very well indeed...
Many thanks for your time today, Valentine. Let us know how things go with your campaigning...
